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Seeking immortality? If so, send emails to me at kaadotcom@gmail.com for publication. All submitted letters are subject to publication.

From	Joyce Weng <weng@email.unc.edu>
To	Timothy Lee <kaadotcom@gmail.com>
Subject	The Tender Crisp Scenario <link>
Date	June 6, 2008 10:35:35 PM EDT

Dear Timothy Lee,

It causes me great sadness that my lapse in memory has lead you to resent me for two years. You have my deepest sincere apologies for not repaying you for the sandwich. As for the dilemma of whether to say hi to you when I run you into on campus, please do not think that I am avoiding you, but more of wondering if you remember me and seeing if you would say hi to me first. Our acquaintance was rather brief and a relatively long time ago. There are lots of other people I have met before but do not have a recent relationship with, and it is always a sort of "should I say hello or pretend I don't see them so it won't seem awkward" kind of scenario. I do not recall running into you in the recently, but I hope you won't take it as me being purposely rude. I will be happy to repay the $4.00 with interest (I'll make it $10.00) and send it to your address in cash or check, which ever you prefer.

Sincerely,
Joyce Weng

My immediate reaction to your letter was one of forgiveness, and I replied directly to your message with a simple and direct, "No, it's cool. Just a slight nod is all the recompense I need," and let rest the issue. However, the next day I found this message in my inbox:

From	Joyce Weng <weng@email.unc.edu>
To	Timothy Lee <kaadotcom@gmail.com>
Subject	Re: The Tender Crisp Scenario
Date	June 7, 2008 11:07:46 AM EDT

Dear Tim,

As a courtesy, I request you to please remove your letter to me from your website. I know people who mostly likely frequent the website are UNC-CH students and Oak Ridgers, and I would much rather they make judgments on my character based on meeting and getting to know me rather than a satirical letter found on a website. I would really hate for people to see me as that bitch who purposely whittles out $4.00 from unsuspecting guys and is apparently poor company on car rides. Although I did find the letter well written and amusing, I do not wish to have my name blackened in a public domain.

Sincerely,
Joyce Weng

My immediate reaction to this new message was one of understanding. Though I found your gammatical errors glaring and the image of you whittling four dollars amusing, I understood your position and resolved to remove your name from my letter. However, I was unable to edit the page at the time because I had to go to work. The next as I was making the changes I received this lengthy and irate letter from you:

From	Joyce Weng <weng@email.unc.edu>
To	Timothy Lee <kaadotcom@gmail.com>
Subject	Please remove the letter
Date	June 8, 2008 1:46:15 PM EDT

Dear Tim,

I sent you an email yesterday regarding the letter you posted on your website about me and was upset today to still find the letter as the top link. You wrote a letter questioning my etiquette, and now I'm writing another letter questioning yours. When you published the letter on your website, this turned from a personal complaint from one person to another to a public attack on my character. In your letter, I am depicted as a negative caricature of a silly fool lacking wit or decorum, and I find it emotionally distressing that pretty much anyone with internet has access to it. You allowed me no anonymity either by plastering my full name at the top of the page and divulging my identity as a UNC Chapel Hill student and Oak Ridge High School alum, and it doesn't help that I don't have a common name. "Weng" is one of the more rare Chinese last names, and there just aren't that many Joyce's as it is. I am most definitely the only Joyce Weng in Chapel Hill, and you've pretty much just publicly called me an asshole. Quite frankly, I wouldn't care as much if I felt like I deserved it, but public humiliation over $4.00 is quite unnecessary, and you have already received my apology. I know you probably wrote the letter because you found it humorous and was lacking a better topic that you had to drag out something stupid from two years ago, but I feel like I am the scapegoat for your literary efforts. All I'm asking is for you to quietly remove the letter so I can live knowing that my peers, community members, and future employers won't be making judgments about me from something they picked up from cyberspace. I just hope in the future you will be more careful about what you publish because sometimes people who don't deserve it get hurt.

Sincerely,
Joyce Weng

My immediate reaction to this third letter was one of complete bafflement, followed by asking myself, "Where do I begin?" For first, I did not depict you as a "silly fool lacking wit or decorum," I retold the events exactly as they occured. If you do not want to appear to be a silly fool, then do not act like one. Secondly, I did not divulge your identity as a a UNC student and ORHS alum to the internet, you did when you placed that same information the social networking site facebook.com, freely accessible to thousands. Thirdly, I used Google to search the name "Weng," and the first person listed is the two foot, nine inch tall Philipino actor Weng Weng, best known for his leading role as Agent 00 in the movie For Y'ur Height Only, in which, according to Wikipedia, "the brilliant scientist Dr. Kohler is kidnapped by an evil organization headed by 'Mr Giant'. The forces of good call on Secret Agent 00 to rescue him, and 00 does so by using a combination of kicking people in the knees or the genitals, shooting with remarkable accuracy, and sliding across the floor firing his pistol as he goes. The film ends with Agent 00 locating the secret island Mr. Giant uses for a hideout, dispensing with the red beret wearing guards, and meting out his special form of justice." So you are not the most conspicuous Weng, Joyce, and you certainly cannot mete out your own special form of justice by threating me with oddly-reasoned emails. Finally, upon rereading all of your responses, I realized that you still have not explained why you expected me to pay for your Tender Crisp? Is this some sort of riddle? Was there a hidden camera in the truck to broadcast my reaction to a nationwide audience? I am at a loss, as perturbed as ever, and the Tender Crisp scenario remains a mystery.