In Defense of Michael Vick
Noted quarterback and NFL Superstar Michael Vick was recently indicted on federal conspiracy charges alleging that he funded and operated an illegal dog fighting ring from his Virginia home, a charge to which he has since plead guilty. Vick will be sentenced on December 5th, at which time a judge will mandate a prison sentence of between one and five years in length.
Being not much of a National Football League fan (preferring the college game), I have never had much opinion of Michael Vick as a player. Little do I know of him personally, save a well-documented lawsuit filed in the fall of 2002 by a harlot alleging that Mr. Vick knowingly infected her with the venereal virus genital herpes. As proof she cited his numerous visits, under the alias "Ron Mexico," to various sexually transmitted disease treatment clinics prior to his relationship with her. However, such a minor transgression can be easily excused. For first, the case was later settled out of court, dousing the flames of a potentially blistering court battle. And second, who among us has not, at one point or another, undergone potentially embarrassing medical treatment under a false identity? I myself have received clinical attention for a particularly awkward accident involving excessive St. Ides malt liquor, distrustworthy friends, and carrots, all under the pretense of one "Hugo Habanero," and as such can fully empathize with the late Falcons leader.
But now Vick faces time in a federal penitentiary, and as his length of sentence has yet to be determined, I offer my own reasons as to why Michael should be given the least amount of time behind bars as allowed by the law.
For first, there exists the very real possibility that Michael Vick lied to federal prosecutors when he accepted a plea bargain and plead guilty to his role in the dog fighting scandal. Vick, a notoriously elusive quarterback, has a lengthy record of withholding the truth. As previously mentioned he concealed his true identity when receiving treatment for his genital herpes. Furthermore, prior to his indictment, he told Roger Goodell, the former National Football League intern and current commissioner, that he had no involvment in dog fighting and that the allegations against him were false, which he is now claiming to be a lie by pleading guilty to the federal charges. Michael Vick has a long history of fallacious recollections, and as such, who is to know if he is now telling the truth by having admitted to participating in and funding of canine mortal combat?
Secondly, even if he is guilty of what he has allegedly plead guilty to, some may ask, in the grand scheme of the world, what is the existential harm in breeding a few mindless killing machines and letting them have at it? We live in an age that drinks blood and micturates pure testosterone. The Ultimate Fighting Championship is a wildly popular bloodsport pitting two half-naked men in a chained octagon and letting them pound and grapple their sweaty opponents into submission by any means necessary (save biting, blows to the loins, and, naturally, biting the loins). And while victory often comes through the savage beatings of one human being onto another, the Ultimate Fighting Championship is heralded as a raw entertainment and nets profits in the millions of dollars annually. All this while the fighting of dogs, bread only to fight, is seen as a federal crime (what´s more, the dogs owned by Michael Vick have been scheduled, by the federal court, to be euthanized).
Personally, I find the fighting of dogs to be unusually cruel, and myself I would never participate or support the endeavor. I am simply arguing that if we are to outlaw the base fighting between base animals, how then can we condone the base fighting between human beings? And to those that would claim the fighting of dogs is more cruel because often these dogs are killed in action whereas humans only occasionally succumb to their injuries received during the fighting event, it can be retorted that death is but another phase of life, and that, because all dogs go to heaven, Michael Vick acted more as a Prophet shepherding the weary to the Kingdom of the Almighty rather than a man who illegally fought dogs for entertainment.
And finally, it is my firm belief that Michael Vick, because of his efforts in the underground world of canine combat, should be heralded as a patriot of the highest order. When the American armies in Afghanistan ousted the totalitarian Taliban tyrants, Afghani men immediately resumed their long-standing tradition of Friday morning dogfights, which had been banned under the Taliban regime. According to the journal Wikipedia, crowds of thousands flocked to the weekly events, attending the fights as a way of celebrating their newfound democracy that they were so viciously denied under the Taliban. Transitively Vick is being a true patriot with every fight he promotes, spreading democracy one dogfight at a time.
Michael Vick: a liar, harmless, and a patriot, and for these reasons, not only should he receive a suspended sentence, he should be hailed as a hero.
