A Weekly Response Written for My English Class at Duke

      The relative proximity of my own University of North Carolina to rival institution Duke University opens the door to many unique possibilities. For first, it provides the greatest college rivalry in the country, a rivalry that transcends athletic contest, veritably consuming the lives of all those affiliated and essential in defining the character of the respective universities. Secondly it facilitates the ability of students from each side to easily mingle with members from the other, which in turn allows us Tarheels to experience and admire first-hand those homely New Jersey transplants in royal blue. Third, by virtue of a mutual agreement between the administrative bodies of both schools, students from either college may take one class per semester at the other institution without additional fee or penalty.
      Always open-minded to new experiences, I decided to take advantage of this opportunity and am currently enrolled in a modern British literature course taught by the highly respected and impeccably dressed Michael Moses. Duke has a self-proclaimed reputation for academic excellence, a billing it freely touts, going so far that their tour guides proclaim Harvard to be the “Duke of the north." Thus far the course has lived up to the lofty academic reputation of the school. Professor Moses possesses a vast wealth of knowledge for the subject in which he teaches, and conveys his lessons in an articulate and captivating manner.
      Professor Moses has chosen an eclectic pallet of modernist writers to study throughout the semester, from Joseph Conrad to T.S. Elliot. We spend about a week studying the works of each author before moving on to the next, and every Wednesday we are required to turn in a written response to the readings of the week measuring roughly one page in length. This past week we read works by famed modernist poet Ezra Pound, focusing on his earlier work “Hugh Selwyn Mauberley (Contacts and Life).”
      As the lone Tarheel in the class of over forty Blue Devils, I habitually take it upon myself to represent my institution as best I can, presenting myself with the utmost integrity and honor to impart upon my inheritedly affluent classmates that we at Carolina are class acts all the way. And essential to the spirit of the University of North Carolina is truth, so when I am asked my opinion on a subject I take it upon myself to answer with the honesty one should expect from a Carolina student. Consequently when Professor Moses explained that our commentaries are to be our personal responses and reactions to the readings of the week, I took it upon myself to honor the assignment and fulfill his requirements to the fullest.
      Following is my weekly response, included verbatim and without omission, exactly as it was turned in to the teacher:

      Ezra Pound’s “Hugh Selwyn Mauberley (Contacts and Life)” is an utterly incomprehensible series of poems, devoid of meaning or relevance to the vast majority of readers, and is a total piece of crap.
      Pound, an American by birth, moved to Europe and tried to establish himself as a major author. A man of little self-confidence, Pound’s writing is characterized by extreme overcompensation and a showiness of cosmopolitan knowledge to prove to his European cohorts that he is not some backwoods hick. Needless to say, his poems go overboard and are an incomprehensible mess.
      For instance, take the following stanza from his poem “E.P. Ode Pour L’election de son Sepulchre:”

Because of the obscurity of his references and allusions, his work requires veritable translations to be comprehended. Like a child crying for attention, Pound attempts to show off his knowledge by throwing in specific Homerian references and even some Greek, to list a few examples. Only those privileged enough and learned enough would have any chance at being able to understand his poetry. He is an elitist writer who cares nothing about ordinary people (not to mention a Mussolini-supporter and anti-Semite). Ezra Pound is an a-hole and can blow me.

“Timothy—

Though your frustration with Pound’s elitism is understandable, your expression of it is not appropriate for an academic exercise. If you are having trouble understanding the expectations of academic discourse, you should make an appointment with the Writing Studio.”